Dear Kurt
How can I win her back?
Here's what happened. We'd been going out for about 6 months and everything was going smooth and our relationship was starting to get a little more serious.
Then out of no where she broke up with me. I was totally shocked and didn't know what to do. She said it was because we fought too much and that we were getting too serious too soon. I really care about her and want to get her back. Is there anything I can do?
- Broken Hearted
Dear Broken Hearted:
Out of all the emotions that we have, love is the strongest and most powerful one so when a relationship endsit stands to reason that it's going to hurt quite a bit. Now despite the pain that you're going through there are things you can do to win back the one you love but you need to know what to do and how to do it properly.
When it comes to getting someone back after a breakup, the most important thing you can do is to get them looking your way and thinking about you again. This article will give you five strategies you can use that will help get your ex thinking about you again and hopefully get you back together again.
1. The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself about the relationship and the part you played in the breakup. I know it's not pleasant but it needs to be done. Your girlfriend said she broke up with you because you fought all the time. If this is true then it needs to be addressed by you. This is not the time to point fingers and lay blame, instead use your time apart to analyze the relationship. In fact I recommend that you get a pen and paper and write it out. List all the things things that might have contributed to the breakup and see which ones you can change. If you want to get her back you need to address this before you do anything else.
2. The next thing you need to do when it comes to getting your ex' attention again is to be dependable. Even though you've broken up you still need to be there when and if she needs you. Just be her friend and show her that you're someone that she can depend on and in return she'll start to see you as someone worth being with. Now this doesn't mean that you're going to get back together right away, but being depandable lays the ground work and the foundation for restoring the relationship you once had.
3. The third thing you should do if you want to get your ex to start thinking about you again is to encourage and support them. One of the things that people miss most during a breakup is the support they got from their significant other so if the opportunity arises, be her personal cheerleader. For example, if she's got a job interview, send her a quick 'good luck' email or something along those lines. Either way you want to show her that you've got her back and have her best intetests at heart.
4. Listen to her. Chances are she's going to call you at some point, especially if you've cut off all contact with her. When she does call, make sure you listen to what she is saying and VALIDATE her concerns. Not feeling validated or understood is the leading cause for fights in a relationship and since this was her main concern with you during the breakup it's something that you need to focus on here. Listen to what she is saying and take some mental notes and get your foot in the door.
5. Get a life. Don't sit around and sit on the sidelines. Instead get out there and live it up. Go out, have fun and rediscover yourself. This accomplishes 3 things. First it gives you self confidence which makes you more attractive to your ex. Second it reverses depression by taking your mind off things by keeping you busy. Third is that it gives you peace of mind by giving you both space and time which are key elements when it comes to dealing with your emotions after a breakup.
The Bottom Line
The key to win her back especially when she's dumped you is to get her looking your way and thinking about you again.
If you follow the 5 points in this article you will greatly increase your chances of getting back together because you will have improved as a person since the breakup which will make you more attractive to her.
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